FaceBook icon
Instagram icon
Twitter icon

Poem continued....

Why me Jesus, this just isn't fair

So I close my eyes and pretend I'm not there


Why cant anyone hear my sobs and my cries

Every time this happens a piece of me dies


With his hand he enters me

Oh God how can you let this be


It was all I could do to look up and stare

Then I close my eyes and pretend I'm really not there


School is out and I have to go

At five years old who would really know


God wont help me so I dont even pray

Because theres two of them in the room today


My innocence lost and I am to blame

The two in that room I would never name


Forcing himself inside my mouth

Shoving my head from north to south


I could see the other one watch me and grin

Saying your going to Hell little girl,

teasing me like this is the ultimate sin


I closed my eyes as they filled with tears

Going to Hell was my biggest fear


I blocked out the rest, the pain I couldn't bare

I just closed my eyes to pretend that I just wasn't there


With man after man Ive relived that disgusting day

“Dang! Baby, who taught you to do that” is what they all say


The pain would shoot through me and it was to much to bare

So over and over I would pretend that I just wasn't there


Twenty-five years I spent running away

From the horrible things done to me that day


Drink after drink and drug after drug

What a hell of a life, for myself I seemed to have dug

The drugs, the men, the life on the run,

I lost everything even my son

My baby stood in the gap, night after night

Praying God would bring me home just one more time


I finally hit bottom, with no where to go

Who was willing to help me, I really didn't know


Then out of the blue, it all came together

And for the very first time, I knew, the storm I could weather


Beginning that day I face life head on

And not one day, have I had to do it alone


Not knowing each step of the twelve was planting a seed

Today a recovery life, is the life that I lead


God came to me one day and said the time was here

It was time that I face that horrible year


I took the suggestions and began getting busy

Feeling the pain was not very easy


Closing my eyes and pretending I'm there

Brought back the memories I never thought I could bare


Night after night feeling it through

Finally came the day, when I finally forgave you


The hate that I carried was replaced with His mighty love

I give thanks and glory to the good Lord above


Now when my heart is hurting with pain and dis pair

I just close my eyes and pretend I'm with Jesus,

Because He's always been there!


Amanda S. - Cartersville, GA

Many thanks to the following sites for "additional" information: